"Pain is not pretty.
Some people make it seem
Let me tell you
There is nothing desirable
About a mental disorder.
Counting and recounting numbers, meticulously accounting for every little thing
You put in your body.
But it will always be too much.
Spending your days
Choking and gagging,
Tears streaming down your puffy face,
All for some disgusting relief
That your dinner lay somewhere
Other than your stomach.
But yet, you still feel huge.
All over something
That your body needs to survive.
Because that’s not something you want to do anymore.
It’s not for vanity, I never starved or purged because I thought it would somehow make me beautiful.
Pinching and grabbing at the excess you see
In a terrifying reflection
Through distorted, lifeless eyes.
It’s a nightmare,
It’s an eating disorder.
And it takes control
Of your entire life
And every single thing you do."